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After I finished Robert Holden’s book, I closed my eyes to soak it up. I was sitting outside, and the warm summer breeze blew around me. The picture that came into my head was my very first day of primary school. Then I thought: ‘Okay, I have a lot to learn and practice.’ Here are some insights I got – now I want to apply them!

1. There’s only one real fear we have in life: I am not loveable

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This stunned me: only one real fear (besides presumably innate fears for our safety)? Fear of failure, fears of success etc. are all rooted in the same fear. Despite what all the textbooks on mental health might say, there are only two states of mind: love and fear. Your natural Unconditioned Self is made of love. Fear is your ego, which is your insecure self-image, not the real you. Your ego is scared. If you listen to your Unconditioned Self, you can always choose from a place of love over fear.

Your Unconditioned Self was created from love. Holden encourages us to see this source of love as God (with or without the religion).
You were born loveable.
You are made of love.
Your worth is beyond doubt.
Choose love instead of fear throughout your day; ever better things will happen.

2. Remember you are loveable (already) and love yourself first

“The more you love yourself, the more people feel loved by you.”

How do you do that? Psychologist Erich Fromm explained that “love is a practice.”
Practice being more loving to yourself and others (read on).

3. You don’t have to keep trying so hard to change

“You keep trying to change yourself into something better, but nothing changes because you haven’t stopped telling yourself: ‘I am not loveable.’” Guilt, fear, and judgement come from the ego. They keep telling you: ‘there’s something wrong with you!’ Remember, your essence and true Unconditioned Self is love.

When you choose actions from a place of love versus fear, you align with love.
Your body is FREE of FEAR
Your heart is FREE of GUILT
Your mind is FREE of JUDGEMENT

4. Stop judging yourself and practice unconditional self-acceptance

The ego judges you all day – and everyone else. It brings nothing but pain and no peace. Your original self is love. There’s nothing wrong with your essence.

5. “Unconditional love becomes possible when we are willing to love ourselves unconditionally.”

Unconditional love means loving everyone, not one ‘special’ person. Love isn’t one small pie. This gets much easier when you stop judging.

6. Practice forgiveness much more!

a) Forgive yourself for ever believing you’re unlovable.
b) “Everything you experience is either an expression of love or a call for love.” This was an incredible revelation to me. Everything that comes to you comes from either a place of love or fear – of not feeling loveable – and is a call for love.
c) Let go of everything that is not love. Grievances are made of fear. You are hurting yourself to gain some revenge. You hurt yourself with the anger and it doesn’t change the past. Making yourself or others guilty brings you no peace – ever. GRIEVANCES HOLD YOU BACK. “The purpose of your life is not to carry a grievance…We forgive so as to set ourselves free…who we are has nothing to do with what happened in the past.”

7. You can’t feel separate and alone in the world because matter and spirit are one.

All matter comes from vibrating particles. Scientists can still not define the consciousness or “the conscious and intelligent mind” that Nobel physicist Max Planck referred to as the source of all matter. You can call it infinite intelligence, God etc. Everything is interconnected. Remember, it’s your ego mind that wants to be separate.

8. “When you give love freely, you feel the love you give and you feel loveable no matter what the return.”

This strikes me as the graduate version! Love with no expectation of a return.

9. You can’t love someone and want him/her to change

How often have you hoped your partner or child would change somehow? Did you try to nudge them along? How did that go?! I’m sure you didn’t love it when s/he tried to get you to change!

10. How willing are you to be loved?

“The only obstacle in your way is the basic fear “I am not loveable.” That’s all. One learned idea. And it’s only an idea. The invitation is to stop identifying with that idea, if only for a day, so that you can experience what it’s like to let God love you, to let life love you.”

11. “You feel most like the real you when you choose love.”

12. Love is our purpose.

Love “is the answer to the problem of human existence” wrote Erich Fromm.
I am made of love. You are made of love.
I am loveable. You are loveable.

13. Let love be your guide to life

It’s much bigger than anything your ego could muster. Love has true power behind it and the power of God. It is your highest calling. Your work can be an expression of love – as can your whole life.

14. It’s time (for me anyway) to ask God to help me choose love every day

“God and love are the same experiences dressed up in two different words.”

To choosing love over fear!
Matt Anderson
Founder & President
Matt Anderson International
1177 Oak Ridge Drive, Glencoe, IL 60022, USA
Phone: +001 (312) 622-3121

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